Love is like a computer!, Love advices for the computer nerd.
1. Garbage in, garbage out: If you keep telling yourself romantic myths about a prince on a white horse saving you, and that love conquers all… living on clichés, you'll never find love. No one's perfect. No relationship is a fairy tale. While gay relationships may contain two fairy tails — neither one of them is perfect! Well, maybe some.
2. WYSIWYG: If your date is almost Mr. Right – almost the perfect guy for you, if he would just floss and upgrade his hairstyle, then get a new boyfriend – get over it! Some times it's easier to buy a new system than upgrade it. It just won't happen. After all, “What You See Is What You Get.”
3. Too much input: Dating six people at once. It isn't fair to anyone! How can you integrate all the data and process all the information (about your feelings) if you're running six programs at once? In this case, you're bound to have system errors and hard-drive crashes. No one likes it when their hard drive crashes!
4. 56.6 Baud vs. 14.4 Baud: If your date moves too fast (falls in love overnight) while you're still trying to make a connection, you're operating on different bandwidths. Be careful: He may be connecting with multiple service providers!
5. Pentium 5 vs. Pentium 1: If a date is stuck with an outdated operating system (lives in the past, dresses in clothes that were current pre-Vietnam), you two may be incompatible. Your date may be stuck in a Pentium 1 lifestyle while you're in a Pentium 5 world. Be leery — slower operating systems are outdated. Two people with different bandwidths will only connect sporadically.
6. Power Switch: Make sure a boyfriend knows which button turns you on. If he can't locate it, love may never boot up. Since neither of you comes with instruction manuals, don't mute your feelings. Of course, if he knows how to turn you on, he'll also be able to turn you off!
7. Program compatibility: Sometimes, later editions of the same program can operate earlier versions, but the transverse in not true. Hopefully you'll have enough commonalities to make love work.
8. Outdated Processor: If you want love – but he sees sex as fun and games – you're wired differently. That's like trying to get a Pentium processor to run a Mac program. Not going to happen!
9. Mac vs. PC: Macs are more artistic. PCs are more business-oriented. These systems are not compatible; word processing works on both, but other applications do not!
10. Intranet vs. Internet: If you're a woman with a limited, selective friendship base while he has a World Wide Web of friends, you may be speaking different languages.
11. Secure Servers vs. Public Domains: Some men have a discretionary network of friends. They may put firewalls up or keep their binary info secure. Others send out cookies to newsgroups. Can these two types really find connectivity? Dubious!
12. Browsers: Some men are just browsers in the World Wide Web of love. They sign on, search, and visit many URLs. But they forget the passwords that open the ports of a women's heart. Be aware of these browsers.
13. Pop-ups and Spammers: Some men lurk in popular places hoping to be noticed, while others send out indiscriminate emails and IMs to every women alive. They're spammers. Watch out for deceitful men like this. They're liable to be infected with a Trojan horse and could cause your system to crash!
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding,
he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't
expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table
unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give
me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there
will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or
not."
(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!) 
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!) 
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
and storms out of the house.
After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings
her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) 
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud
of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back,
"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!) 
God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece.
I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't look any different!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!
Men are Like...
Men are like.....Placemats
They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like.....Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like.....Bike helmets
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
Men are like.....Government bonds
They take so long to mature.
Men are like.....Parking spots
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small or handicapped.
Men are like.....Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like.....Lava lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like.....Bank accounts
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.
Men are like.....High heels
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like.....Curling irons
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like.....Mini skirts
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like.....Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are
that is sooooo true!!! heheh!! ouch my stomach hurts now!!! this is hilarous
I love you but i don't say
Because when i say, i will die
I'm afraid not i die
But i'm afraid when i die
Nobody will love you kind as me
If one day you feel like crying... Call me. I don't promise that I will
make you laugh, But I can cry with you......
If one day you want to run away-- Don't be afraid to call me. I don't
promise to ask you to stop... But I can run with you........
If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...Call me. I promise to be
there for you. And I promise to be very quiet........
But if one day you call... And there is no answer... Come fast to see
me..... Maybe I need you.............
I am Sorry... For everything wrong I've ever done. I'm writing this because
what if tomorrow never comes?
so if tomorrow you will have 1 million then wat r u doin huh micki...do u will give me an half this value lolz . Dont say love to anyone..because with me love is suck hixhix...i hope u dont love kekekek just kd yo
cutie piggy
Recent Comments