The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
Hehehe be careful guys.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down
next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are
you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking
colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences,
pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves,
cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors,
and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day
thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the
morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think
about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I
even think about women when I eat. It seems that
everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side
of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found
out I'm a lesbian."
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
DAD: Well, dad and mom met in a chat room on the net.
I set up a meeting with your mom and we landed in the
bathroom at the Cyber Caf鮼BR>Then, mom did some
downloads from dads memory stick and when dad was
ready to upload to mom's hard disk, we discovered that
there was no firewall.
Seeing that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just
carried on doing the upload.
Nine months later, the damn virus then made a copy of
files from both mom & dad's data and expelled it in an
email attachment using mom's address!
^^^^^^^^^^^^_______^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Aussie Sales Man
A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods
looking for a job.
The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back
home." The manager liked the Aussie
so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was
challenging and busy, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down
and asked "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"
The Aussie said "One."
The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our
sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much
was the sale for?"
"£101,237.64."
The manager choked and exclaimed "£101,237.64? What
the hell did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a
medium fish hook, and then I sold him a new fishing
rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing
and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would
need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him that twin-engined Power Cat.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took him
down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x 4 Suzuki".
The manager, incredulous, said "You mean to tell
me....a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you
sold him a boat and 4x4?"
"No no no......he came in here to buy a box of tampons
for his Missus and I said.........'Well, since your
weekend's stuffed, you might as well go
fishing."
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